My brain is melting....

....from all the amazing things I've been learning today!!!

BTW, where is the cool fonts, and other things that used to be available when posting? I hope that blogger hasn't down graded us who aren't paying for their site.

But back to what my brain is melting about.

Monday night we were in our Heart for Ministry class, going through the book of Acts, when a question came up about the Holy Spirit. I can't remember the question exactly, but the discussion basically revolved around whether or not receiving the Holy Spirit, (as in the baptism of the H.S.), happens at conversion, or at a later time.
So I sat my self down at the comp., opened up Josh's bible software program, and my Bible, and began to read through the book of Acts.

In my notebook I posed three questions:
1) When a person is saved, do the receive the H.S. at that same time?
2) If that is the case, what does the Bible mean when the H.S. 'falls upon' or 'fills' a person?
3) What is/are the result(s) of the H.S. doing these things? (ie.: 'falling upon', 'filling', a person 'receiving', 'pouring out upon', etc.)

I than spent the rest of the day, up until about an hour ago, searching just through Acts to see if these questions could be answered.

After several pages of notes, I have come to the conclusion that indeed the gifting of the Holy Spirit is a separate event from a person being saved. Now I must tell you, this completely rocks my mind, and for one solid reason: not only do we receive Jesus and are baptized in His name, but we are also given another gift, the gift of the Holy Spirit to empower our lives to share the good news of the gospel. I mean seriously, do we need any other gifts other than salvation? Already we don't deserve that! But than for God to be so gracious as to give us His Holy Spirit to enable us to go and do the things He has created us to do....ah its just too much!

I also learned that the words used for describing how the gift is delivered, really doesn't make a difference. Before searching all this out, I wondered if a person received the H.S. first, (when they were saved), and than later, (at God's appointed time), the H.S. would come upon them in a different way, empowering them to do His good works. Well it turns out that I don't know how the H.S. works in the life of a new believer who has yet to be baptized in the H.S., but I do know that whenever they use the words 'receive' or 'filled', or phrases like 'fell upon', or 'poured out', in the book of Acts, its all pointing to the same event: The Holy Spirit has come to empower a believer to do things that beforehand were not possible for them to do.

In answer to the 3rd question, I found out that SO many things happen when the H.S. is poured out on the believer. Sometimes people would speak in tongues afterwards, others would prophesy, some saw visions and dreamed dreams, many were given boldness to preach the gospel and stand up to the religious leaders even though they faced certain persecution, and some were enabled to perform signs and wonders of healing and raising the dead back to life. Basically all pretty incredible stuff, stuff that I believe God still wants to be doing in us today.

And with that last statement, my mind begins to wonder if the reason we often don't see these things happening is because we believers are not being baptized in the Holy Spirit? I mean if it is by this baptism that all these things happen, and none before in the individual, shouldn't we eagerly desire to also be baptized in the H.S.?

Thinking that also brought another thought to my mind. If that is the case, have I been baptized in the Holy Spirit? Is the reason I lack the boldness to share Christ with other because I have yet to receive this gift? Is the reason that I am afraid of persecution because I have yet to have the Holy Spirit poured out on me? I must tell you, I do not know. I feel I may know the answer, but I also think I must spend more time in prayer before I know for certain. Whatever the answer turns out being this much I know is true....I do NOT want to be an ineffective christian. A person who goes to church on Sunday, and during the week locks myself up in my apartment where I am comfortable and safe.

I wish so much that I could share in more detail what God has shown me, but in all honesty, Its still sinking in for me at this time.

If you have any questions about this, please ask me! Like I said I have lots of notes, and if anyone is interested, I will share them with you.

God bless you and I pray He intrigues your heart so that you seek out the things of God that are still a mystery to you.

Counting down the days...

I'm just counting down the days, now, until our little man gets here.

I am a little bit surprised at how quickly time is going by, now that I'm not working. I thought for sure that it was going to drag. I think its because I've been keeping busy with so many things that well, it just hasn't had time to slow down much yet! My 'to do' list is still rather long... but I'm ok with that. Of course other things have come up as being more important than things on that darn list. For example: the gathering of things necessary for home birth, like; cotton sheets, umbilical cord clamps, a knit baby hat, flexible straws, a 9 volt battery... I mean just the really obviously basic needs for a home birth, (haha yeah right!). Anyways the shopping around has been fun. I'm just getting so stinkin' excited that December is right around the corner! Though I keep assuming this baby will be a New years baby, I would not be disappointed in the least bit if he came before Christmas. In fact, if I keep looking at all his cute stuff, I will probably find it really difficult to wait if he goes past his due date. O well though! How can I not sit in his room and just look around at all this stuff just waiting for him when he comes out? I mean come on! But I digress...

In other O'Donnell news, Josh is scheduled for a knee surgery on the 2nd. He pretty much re-injured an old injury, but this time he injured it bad enough to completely tear his ACL. (So then again, maybe I don't want Jr. to come early, since his daddy will most certainly need all the time he can get for healing.) If you think of him, please pray for Josh's surgery. And please also pray that God would heal him with out needing the surgery. I'm hopeful that God will do this, so if others are praying the same, I would love it!

The baby had his shower last Friday, and with quite the turn out! Its so exciting to see that there are so many incredible & loving women around him! It just makes me so excited when I think about raising him at this church, (the majority of women there were ones from our fellowship), because I know these women will so genuinely love him :) Here are a couple pictures from the night:

I know they aren't great quality, and no one is paying attention to the camera person, but I figure that is ok and I can still show them :)

Josh and I recently had our two year anniversary, *woohoo*, and since we had no plans made for the day, it worked out perfectly when our good friend Krista asked us if she could take my pregnancy pics.

Its unfortunate how fuzzy they look on here, but you at least get the idea of how nice they turned out :) There are lots and lots more, but these ones are probably my favorites...at least for now they are.

Hope you all are having a blessed day! Don't forget Psalm 46:10, "Be still and know that I AM God", as you go about your business.

:)

I'm a terrible blogger...

But in all honesty, does that even need to be said anymore?

Anyways....

I just wanted to, again, update on some happenings. These ones are from this morning :)

God is still doing amazing things around here, (as if He ever stops!)

This morning, as I reluctantly crawled out of bed, I again found myself thinking that I wanted to quit being a jr. high leader. I often struggle with these thoughts, but have suspiciously discovered that I think them only on Sunday mornings, before the jr. high service begins. So of course it only makes sense that these nasty thoughts would be most invasive during morning prayer with all the other leaders. Up until prayer time, I was also thinking on the prior evening, and how sorely irritated I had felt, (of course my irritation was not caused by anything from my immediate surroundings. I simply had not prepared myself before the battle). Josh doesn't know this, but I was up for quite awhile after he had gone to sleep because I stubbornly would not let go of my pride and humbly ask God to take away my irritation.

But going back to this morning, and prayer time...

As we were all sitting in our little group, Josh went and did something totally unspeakable; he asked us to pray that God would cleanse our hearts of anything that shouldn't be in there, before going and ministering to the kids.

Of course I am than thinking, "Um so does that mean that you want me to stop selfishly thinking about myself and consider what God might actually want for me?" I mean I knew what the right answer was, but at first, I so did not want to do it.

Needless to say, I knew I would be utterly useless if I did not confess my sins and ask God to purge my being of anything nasty inside. So in prayer, before my brothers and sisters in Christ, I confessed my sins, and while doing so another little prayer slipped out of my mouth,

"LORD please help us to love on these kids"

You ever find yourself shocked when God answers one of your prayers, especially if it was one that when you said it, you really didn't put much thought into before it came out of your mouth? That was what this prayer was.

(now I'm going to side track a moment, but stay with me, I'll come back to this in a moment)

I felt God's compassion as He erased my sins of last night, but still found my mind struggling with the thought of leaving jr. high. I was rationalizing all the 'right' reasons for me to leave. I mean I am expecting, I'll have to think of my child soon and not have time for being in this ministry. I was looking at the fruits of my ministry and began to wonder, 'Am I doing this without God's blessing? Does He want me in this place anymore? Do the girls even get anything out of our small group? Am I hindering His work in their lives?' The thoughts were invading my brain, and really distracting me from our time of worship. So I said to myself, (and to God), 'I will not worry about this anymore. If God is calling me away, than when He does so, He will tell me.' I also believe that if you are unsure of whether or not God is calling you away from a ministry, the best thing to do is to STAY in that ministry until you hear from Him on where to go next. It is all too easy to feel strong emotions that make us believe that God is telling us to do something, when really He is not. I don't know if that is right, but as of now, I feel that is good counsel.

Josh gave his message, and than the dreaded moment came, small group discussion time.

This really isn't the most horrible thing in the world, but when you've been having thoughts like I had been having, being in this group with all those young faces looking up at you is a little bit intimidating.

The discussions were going well, (at least I felt they were), girls were sharing, we were talking, I was hoping they were understanding the real life applications of the message, and then my dear Emily shared with us how her Saturday went.

Emily, and her dad, do not have a very happy relationship as of late. In fact, during the past year plus that I've know Emily, her relationship with her dad has been a hard one. I know I can only take what she says with a grain of salt, seeing how I do not know the other side of the story, but from all that she says, her dad is a big meany.

On Saturday, (as of right now, yesterday), they had another one of their verbal confrontations, and as Emily told us about it the skin around her eyes began to turn red, and than within moments tears were flooding her vision.

This is when God unexpectedly answered my prayer, "LORD help us to love on these kids"

The instant I saw the torment in her face, my heart was stricken with unsurpassed grief.

You see, Emily asks for prayer a lot for her dad, and their relationship. So to see that things weren't, so far, getting any better, just completely broke my heart.

After the group was over, I turned to Emily and began to talk to her about her relationship with her dad, and than asked her about her relationship with God.

(My heart is still breaking for her now.)

I asked her, in regards to her relationship with God, if she was feeling any disappointment in Him because she didn't feel like He was answering her prayers. Unfortunately she said yes, and than went on to say, 'it is sometimes hard to believe God is merciful when this keeps happening'.

What do you say to a young girl when she says this??? I mean I KNOW God is hearing her prayers, but how to I tell her that how God answers them is a mystery? But that is exactly what I did tell her. I also tried to remind her that He DOES hear her prayers, and will answer them.

Maybe God is preparing her for something in her future, I don't know.

But it is so hard to watch a beautiful young lady, tormented by her emotions about her and her dad's relationship, and have no magic prayer that instantly makes it all better.

I didn't say it was going to be a happy post,

but I will say that even though God answered my prayer from this morning

in ways that I wasn't expecting, I still am so thankful that He did.

Can you imagine what my time with Emily would have been like if I had not confessed my sins and humbled my heart to doing His will for my life? Or if I had not prayed for Him to fill our hearts with love for the kids? I have had conversations with her that took place while my heart was in that other place. They always go about with me having nothing to say, but worse yet, with me having no love in my heart for her hurting one.

It was, by far, the hardest morning I have ever had being in jr. high, both before prayer time and after. Yet it turned out to be one of the most rewarding.

I told Emily I will be praying for her and her dad this week. If the LORD puts them on your heart, after reading this, I will be thankful that others are praying too.

It had been such a long time since I've felt love like that for another person, who wasn't a family member, or very close friend. In that experience, though, I learned more about the amazing heart of God. He really does love deeper than we can fathom. I also learned that when you ask Him to do something, be it His will, He will let your heart break to answer that prayer.

I can honestly say that I love Emily, and my heart is broken for her in her situation.

I don't know if I will wonder next Sunday whether or not I should be involved with jr. high, but I feel that as long as Emily keeps coming, I want to be there. I know God has a victory in store for her, and I want to be with her to celebrate when it comes!

I know this is probably way longer than you were expecting to read, but I wanted to get this whole experience written down somewhere so that I could look back on it in the future and remember God's faithfulness to hear my prayers, and remember how He answered them.

The LORD bless you and keep you and make His face shine upon you, and your family :)

O boy it has been awhile...

I just wanted to give some quick updates, since I don't believe the world outside our little circle here knows much of what is happening in our lives these days, so here it is!

Beginning in August Josh began his new job as an intern at our church. His job entails pretty much anything anyone else would have to do being on salary there, only the benefit is his responsibility is much lower ;) Which I like because I think he gets a chance to grow a ton this way!

Just recently our youth pastor decided to give Josh the reigns to the Jr. High ministry. He said he wanted it to be Josh's thing and he would disciple him through the year. Pretty crazy! It is so good to know that God is in control of all this and that He will see Josh through this time as their teacher, (I don't think he is wanting the title 'pastor' yet, and I also suppose the whole responsibility thing jumped up a notch when this happened too).

Our baby boy is getting bigger and stronger all the time! He seems to be moving less these past few days, but I chalk it up to the nasty cold I'm fighting. I wish I could post up a pic. here of my belly now, but It will just have to wait :)

I want so much to have another ultra sound done, but alas, if it is not needed, it will not be 'ok'd' by the midwife, (did i do my 'ok'd' thing right there?). When I am not sick, he kicks and goes nuts in my womb! Josh and I picture him being a boxer when he grows up...of course I'm sure every mom thinks that about their little one when they do all that crazy fast moving around :)

My baby shower has officially been put into the planning stages! My awesome cousin Sheena is going to take care of it. So far the date is the 13th of November, (which also so happens to be a Friday. Its a good thing I'm not a superstitious person!)

My job is quickly on the ending side, and I'm really actually kind'a sad about that. I mean I am excited to get to be home and start doing stuff around here that never seems to get done, but still, I've grown to really love the people I work for, and the work I do. I do have the option of going back next year, but as of right now I'm just not sure how that would work out. I think the baby could come with me, but what if he is fuzzy, or worse, screaming when I have to answer the phone? I don't think that noise would sound too professional. Maybe this is something I should be praying about...

Our good friends Mo and Barbi are moving to Anchorage, Alaska with their two beautiful children :( Although I and Josh both are EXTREMELY bummed they are leaving, we also can't help but be SO EXCITED because it is so obviously the hand of God moving them there. Which reminds me, Jess, do you and Charley feel like meeting a couple of super awesome people and quite possibly becoming friends??? Just thought I'd play 'match maker' ;) since they won't know, well, probably anyone up there.

On the plus side, more people to come visit now! And more reasons to move up, (now if only God would be convinced that was the 'right' thing for us to do...haha ok actually I don't even know if that is funny to joke about, but God knows I'm kidding :)

Josh and I have begun the Heart for Ministry program at our church again. For those of you who do not know what it is, it is a year long 'extensive' study through the bible, (I put 'extensive' like that because I know it is not as extensive a study as it could be, but it is the most I've ever taken on), and this year we are going through the New Testament. Tonight was the second night of class, but because of my dumb cold, and at the time low grade fever, I decided to stay home and sweat this sucker out with some hot chicken noodle soup. Last week was awesome though, and I am SO bummed I missed tonight :( I hope Josh took lots of notes for us! We also listen through sermons given by Pastor Chuck Smith. This past week I benefitted so much from them, I feel I may just be alright missing tonight's class :)

Well the tiredness is beginning to return to my body, I think that is my que to go lay back down.

I hope this update finds you all in good health and in deep satisfaction in our LORD Jesus Christ! I heart you all!

The Kindness of God

I have found a "new" way of spending my slow times in the office, (don't worry, even before I was hired, my boss gave me full permission to do this).

I don't struggle with boredom often, but I have recently found myself to be heading that way at work. The phone just doesn't ring like it used to *sigh*
So in light of my nearing boredom, I decided to actually study the Word! Every time I do, it is a sweet and rewarding experience :D I love the Bible! And I love God who translates it for my not-so-smart brain.

I've been reading Roman's during this past week'ish. Today, a "problem" with a family member came up. While searching the scriptures for answers, I came again to my past reading in Roman's 1:27-2:5. In helping me better understand the depths of what I was reading, I turned to my fellow friend, David Guzik. He has commentaries on many books of the Bible, (all of which you can find at blueletterbible.com), and they are excellent!

While reading the word, and following his commentary, this particular piece stood out to me.

"Or do you think lightly of the riches of His kindess and tolerance and patience,
not knowing that the kindness of God leads you to repentance?"
Rom. 2:4

I've held this vs. very dear during the past few years of my life. It helps me not be such a hippocrit when thinking of certain people, who are making bad decisions :) And quite honestly not just for certain people, but people in general. Even to the Christian who has already tasted His goodness and is walking with Him. This vs. has helped me to remember it is His goodness that is what leads us to repentance. Which brings me to the initiall motivator in writing this blog. David commented on this in his commentary, and this is what he said:

"Not knowing that the goodness of God leads you to repentance (in ref. to vs. 4): Many people misunderstand the goodness of God towards the wicked. They don’t understand the entire reason for it is to lead them to repentance.

i. Men should see the goodness of God and understand:

• God has been better to them than they deserve
• God has shown them kindness when they have ignored Him
• God has shown them kindness when they have mocked Him
• God is not a cruel master and they may safely surrender to Him
• God is perfectly willing to forgive them
• God should be served out of simple gratitude

ii. Are you waiting for God to drive you to repentance? He doesn’t work like that; God leads you to repentance. “Notice, dear friends, that the Lord does not drive you to repentance. Cain was driven away, as a fugitive and a vagabond, when he had killed his righteous brother Abel; Judas went and hanged himself, being driven by an anguish of remorse because of what he had done in betraying his Lord; but the sweetest and best repentance is that which comes, not by driving, but by drawing: ‘The goodness of God leadeth thee to repentance.’” (Spurgeon)"

Um WoW! Can you say, 'amazing!'? Cause I sure do when I read this!

Isn't it sad how we so often have humbly received God's grace, only to begin to believe we have deserved it? And when we begin to think that, we than look down our noses at others, condemning the obvious sinner for what they're doing. We forget that it is because of His kindess that we have received His grace. If only we would walk in His grace, sinners would see His love and turn to Him because they know He is kind. (I'm not saying it is up to us to 'save the world', but we do need to put our lives into His hands and let His love flow out of us and unto others.)

Those are my thoughts for the moment, and I hope to dwell on them all day. I have been wanting to post for some time. Reading this scripture has given me enough passion to do just that. Now, I get to go live it out, (especially since I know God is going to help me fully learn this lesson now :)

God bless you! I pray, if you are His child, He will show you today more how to walk in His ways. If you are not His child, I pray He will open your heart to the love He has for you.

Pictures, finally!!!

Here are some pictures from our weekend vacation. We had the opportunity to take the lift up the mountain, and ride our bikes down. It was awesome! Of course I only fell once, (thank You God!), and never on my tummy, or on any big pointy rocks :)

Can't you see that I'm a hungry pregnant lady?! haha actually I didn't eat this all to myself. In fact it took Josh and I two meals to finish this monster. This is only half the sandwich here.

See, I told you its not fun to fall down a mountain. Ow that really looks like it hurts huh? I actually took this pic this morning. I figured I'd wait 'till it looked its worse. All the swelling has finally gone down and look what was hiding underneath! Pretty gross!

We had an AWESOME time! Josh is now in love with mountain biking and is counting down the days 'till he can go again. Unfortunately, I don't think I'll be going anymore. Its not that I don't want to, but well, here let me show you.

8 weeks 14 weeks
Yeah I don't think that belly is planning on staying small for much longer :D

Thought to ponder

" ¹⁶Therefore let us draw near with confidence to the throne of grace, so that we may receive mercy and find grace to help in time of need."
Hebrews 4:16

So if this is true, than why do I shy away from being bold before others?
I mean honestly, if God has made it so that I can approach Him with boldness, my Eternal Master, my Creator, my King, the Holy of Holies... then why I am not bold to share my faith, or reach out to someone hurting? If I believe the writer when they say, "let us draw near with confidence to the throne of grace," then shouldn't it be that much more simple to go near to someone in their time of need?

Our girl's group discussed this last night and I must admit, I have been acting like a wimp. The chapter basically looked over these few things:

1. In order to help others you must first Be There, i.e., you must be at church, youth group, different ministry outings, work, the street, wherever it is that the people are! You must be present, wherever the people are, in order to help.
2. You must be Prepared to give of yourself. If I go to a church service just expecting to get something out of it, than I will be going unprepared to be a vessel that God could use to touch someone else's life. I must prepare myself before going. I must be in prayer, in the Word, looking through His eyes at the world and asking, "who Lord, needs to feel your arms of love in this moment? Who needs an encouraging word? Who needs prayer, and what do I pray?"
3. I must be Bold and willing to step outside of my comfort zone. Hurting people are sometimes hard to approach, especially if you do not know them. Instead of being afraid of rejection, a problem 'too big' for me to handle, or sitting with someone while they are vulnerable with me, I need to be bold to go to them and let Christ love them through me. I feel it is the same with seeing new people. At our church it is not very easy to pick out the newbies, (since a good number of people come to each service), but maybe if I greeted at the front door, I'd have a better chance of catching them and making them feel welcomed. Actually I think that our greeters do a great job! So maybe I don't need to go there, but after service there are always lots and lots of families just hanging out in the fellowship hall. Maybe I could strike up a conversation? This would definetly take some boldness to accomplish

So there is where I am left. Am I going to continue to hold my tongue? Am I going to continue to shy away when opportunity to share my faith arises? Am I going to wait until its a good time for me to let God have His way in my life, or am I going to let Him be my master today, right now?

I just plain don't want to be this wimpy christian anymore. I dont want to be afraid of offending someone or making a pleasant situation into an akward one. I want compassion to take the place of my standing still. I want love to take the place of fear. I want to watch Christ use me while I am alive on this earth. I want to see Him transform lives and reveal Himself to those who have yet to see Him. I want to live my life zealously for God so that when people look at me, they see the Father and want to know Him.

O Lord help me please, I don't want to be silent anymore. I don't want to hide my light under a basket. Please Father embolden me, let my heart feel the compassion you have for the hurting and lost. Please take me where you want me to go, I am Your servant and your beloved daughter. I know You will be with me wherever I am, please lead me to where You are. In your Son's Holy and precious name, Amen

Accomplishments

Just thought I'd throw out a list of accomplishments my hubby and I have succeeded in lately:

• married 1 year, 7 months, and 25 days
• packed up the entire apartment (and I have yet to have any part in the actual moving *woo-hoo*)
• scheduled a weekend get away
• entered my 2nd trimester on Tuesday
• never threw up due to morning sickness, (I think this is HUGE, so its going on the list)
• kicked some butt at ultimate Frisbee, (Josh's to be exact -haha j/k Josh...actually maybe I'm not)
• made it to work on time everyday, this week, but once, (2 minutes shouldn't be considered late)
• finished recording all but two sections of my heart for ministry notes, to the computer, (it takes hours, probably only like one person will understand this accomplishment - Josh)
• dealt with angry customers without sobbing
• played the role of collections lady without freaking out, (of course it is easy to be stern with an answering machine...)
• went to bed on time every night
• progressed into the part of pregnancy when you have ridiculously realistic dreams, (o my stupid, lively imagination!)
• choose a healthy alternative over sugar enriched junk
• amazingly I haven't cleaned anything, (except my self), in over 3 weeks. Dishes don't count because they go in the dishwasher. And before you begin to think I'm a complete slob, we're moving and we don't have to clean, nana-nana-boo-boo!
• stayed away from the Chinese Gender Predictor chart, though I find it fascinating and not knowing what we are having is almost worse than waiting for 9 months to end!
• I didn't do this one, but my brother Garret proposed to his girl Meghan. (she said yes, btw)
  
• Another one I didn't do, but while I'm introducing people who weren't really supposed to be on this list...my littlest brother Adam has his first g/f, (how does that happen? I mean he is so cool and this is his FIRST g/f??? anyways, whoever the chick is, she is a very lucky girl :)
• if I pull back the "flub" on my tummy, you can see the baby bump beginning to POP!!!!

Um yea so I guess that is my list :) Nothing too crazy exciting, but It was an easy way for me to update. Next time I post, I hope to actually have some pictures. I always write while I'm at work sooooo yeah. Maybe I'll try from home next time.

Love to all!

Update!

Ok so I am lame and should've updated this as soon as I found out but....

If any of you read my last post, (which was really a waste of time, sorry if it got any of you down), you would know that I was feeling poopy because I wanted to get away with Josh and didn't see how that would ever happen. As I was typing that message out, I was also texting Josh, letting him know how super sad I was, (and honestly I wasn't trying to manipulate!) Just after I posted that blog, he text me back and said, 'lets go somewhere'. I was like, ' what seriously? Just like that we will go somewhere?' So we called up my mom to see if we could use her time share. She said yes, we were all excited, but then we couldn't find anything near us that was available. So we were bummed again, and started to throw the idea out when Josh said, 'well why don't we just pay to go somewhere else and just not use your Mom's time share?' Again I was like, 'what seriously? Just like that we'll pay to go somewhere and get away?!' We thought about camping, but both of us sort'a cringed at the idea of having to be dirty for 2 1/2 days, ( I know kind'a wierd, but honestly we just wanted to go somewhere already layed out, nice and clean, and bugless). So we searched, I was praying all along, just asking the LORD to give us somewhere to get away to. We wanted to go to Leavenworth, but hotels were running like $169 a night, -um yea ridiculous- or at least, too much for us to spend. We looked around Montana and a little in Oregon, (I love this part of being in Wa. You can actually GO somewhere when you 'get away' :), and finally decided on Sweitzer (Sp?). Actually I don't even know where Sweitzer is. I think Josh said Montana. Anyways its a resort on a mountain with an outdoor pool and shopping and bike trails and free lift tickets so that you can go to wherever the lift takes you...*sigh* I feel so blessed! I just love that God would bless us and actually give us a place to get away too! We both figured that other than going to AK in July, (which really isn't a 'vacation', per say, but more of a 'visit'), we aren't going to get to go anywhere, just the two of us, before the baby is born. Josh begins his internship, with the church, in August and than 4'ish months later we pop out a baby, (or I should say I pop out a baby), and between now and than, this weekend is the ONLY one we could take off to do something.

The fun part will be moving this week before leaving Friday morn. :) But like we keep on telling each other, 'if Nehemiah can build the wall of Jerusalem in 52 days...we can move in a week!' Thank You God for the encouraging stories you have put in the Bible!

I'm so stoked about this weekend coming up! Thank You Lord for giving us this precious gift!

Feeling Sad

I was recently looking at pictures from someone else's honeymoon, and just realized how desperately I want to get away with Josh.

Josh and I went down to San Diego for a week, than hopped on a cruise boat for another 7 days, for our honeymoon. We actually were "hoping" to sneak off to somewhere tropical in January, but that won't happen now. To tell you the truth, I'm really feeling pretty down right now. I'm so tired of Josh and I not seeing each other. I know other women can relate, so I don't want to spend too much time on this subject, (and have my bad attitude to rub off on you).

Honestly I love what we are spending our time on, yet can't there be a little more time in the day so that we can see each other? Ok I'm really feeling like I need to stop talking about this. A friend of mine doesn't seem to ever see her husband, and I never hear her complaining, so I think I should just stop. I just wanted to let out some of my saddness. I know the LORD hears my heart, and He will do whatever is right. Maybe we will get to get away for a weekend. Or maybe my heart will change. In any case, He knows how I am feeling and I'm just gonna' let this go for now.

I know, not really an uplifting post. I figured I should write about something, and since this is heavy on my brain, well its what gets written.

Love you all!

Just a thought...

This lovely little blurb was sent to me via. e-mail and I just thought, would I really want to do this?

"Record your weight and waistline each week
Be sure to record your weight and waistline measurements each week in your journal to track the amazing changes your body will go through in the next few months. Keep track of those roller coaster feelings, too. They will make you smile, years from now."

I like how they speak so positively about gaining weight. You just don't hear that very often :)

I mean maybe I would want to if my expanding belly were due to a baby growing too big for my mid-section. But as of right now, I think I would just get upset, haha!
All last night I kept rubbing my belly 'cause its already sticking out. Unfortunately I know its not because a baby is pushing up, but its more then likely; A) bloating, B) water weight, or C) whatever else my body is doing these days. Actually I have been thinking about this...I have an obviously short waist. So I know that whenever I put on a 'little' weight in my mid-section, it looks like a ton. I always figured this was because being a short waisted person, the fat only has so much area to spread out over. So if that is true, could it be that I would be showing sooner than maybe a long waisted person? I have no scientific proof to prove this, but honestly, my belly really is sticking out significantly further than it was before I was pregnant. You can even ask Josh, he pats and rubs my belly now :)
Anyways that is all I wanted to say for now. I know its short, but it was a thought I had that I felt like sharing with the world, (or at least the handful of you that read this ).
Blessings to all!

Amazed by God

This I have read from the LORD's word today. And this is what I've learned of His deep deep love for His children.

I picked up my bible to read Psalms. A while ago I decided to read through them, one by one, on a daily basis. Until yesterday, when I returned to reading them again, I had been very slack in keeping up with my decision. I reread yesterday's Psalm, (Ps. 39), and proceeded to Ps. 40 for today. A verse in there, that I had previously highlighted, caught my attention, as the verse was kind've confusing to me. It reads;

"Then I said, 'Behold, I come;
In the scroll of the book it is written of me.
I delight to do Your will, O my God;
Your Law is within my heart.'" Ps. 40:7&8

This is a Ps. by David, so what perplexed me was why David would be writing such a profound statement about himself. I know David to be a regular man, just like I am a regular woman, so I wondered what scroll he could possibly be talking about.
After finishing the Ps., and soon forgetting these verses, I noticed I had still enough time to read something from the N.T.
Last night Pastor Ken mentioned Hebrews 1, and though I couldn't recall why he did, I did remember that because of what he said, I wanted to read it. I worked my way through Heb. 1, (mind you it is not a book I usually or even recently have turned to), and because of some of the inner struggles of my heart, I read more of Heb. I decided what to read by looking over the sub-titles given throughout the chapters. I read a few verses and a couple paragraphs and was about to close up my bible when this sub-title stuck out to me, "One Sacrifice of Christ is Sufficient". I probably would have never taken a second look except that during worship we sang "It is Well With My Soul'', (again, not a usual worship song we sing). One line of that song spoke powerfully to my heart, and filled me with such overwhelming gratitude for my Savior. It's the line that says, "My sin, not in part but the whole, is nailed to the cross, and I bear it no more". In all the hurt and confusion of my heart, I knew one thing to be undeniably true, my sin, not in part but in whole, has been nailed to the cross and I bear it no more! In this I found the freedom and joy to truly worship my Savior, despite whether I felt like it or not. Being reminded of this blessed time of worship, the sub-title for Heb. seemed of particular interest to me.
Reading down chapter 10, I came to verse 7;

"Then I said, 'Behold I have come
(In the scroll of the book it is written of Me)
To do Your will, O God'."

(These being capitalized words referring to Christ speaking of Himself.)
I had to do a double take. I said, "'Really God?" Flipping back to Ps. 40:7&8 I read the same words! Then I said, "You really want to be that personal with me?" And with that thought came a continuous chorus of, "Thank You! Thank You!", and many tears of relief.
I have been feeling really kind of lost of God. I have felt as though I know He is real and powerful, but I have not felt the intimacy of His nearness. Even late last night, as Josh and I were reading our Night Light devotional, it asked how we have seen the power of prayer. I honestly had no answer. Yes I pray, yes I believe God will answer those prayers, for I know He hears them. But to actually remember a time where God's hand personally came down and did a miracle before my eyes, I could not remember the last time. And than with one fail swoop, He reached down and touched my weary heart.
This is my response to His goodness to me:

Thank You my heavenly Father! Thank You for knowing and hearing my heart, and encouraing me this day!
I love you God I love you I love you!
Thank You Holy Spirit for guiding and directing my path. I know You were preparing me for something marvelous, and this is certainly marvelous!
I love You LORD! My God, My King!
You have refreshed and renewed my weary heart!

As with most of my posts, or at least parts of them, I hope that today this encourages you in some way. It might seem like a small thing to come across these scriptures, and to tell you the truth, I haven't even looked again to see what they are actually saying. It's just the fact that my God wanted to be near to me today, that He wanted to encourage my weary heart, that He lead me through a rough season to bring me to a place of utter gratitude and humility...for these reasons I am in 'Awe' of His compassion. He saw His child hurting, and in the last few minutes of her quiet time, came to her in a personal way and gave her hope. Isn't He amazing?

Since its been 2 months and 1 day...

...since my last blog, I figured I'd actually come back to this little place and write something, hopefully of interest to someone :)

How about we begin with the fact that I am, um pregnant! Yep and pretty much everyone who'll read this already knows that. But lets pretend for a minute that I just found out and am telling you for the first time. That way it will be like we are sharing in *the moment* once again. I don't know why we would do that, but I feel rather lame for not writing about finding out, when I did. I mean, don't most women do that? As in a way of concreting all the excitement and emotions that come with finding out great and big news? Maybe I'll be better about blogging when we find out the sex of the baby. Since we're sort of on the topic, and I've always been curious about this...lets take a poll; do you or do you not like it when you find out great and exciting news over something like an Internet blog? (I'll vote first, since I'm sitting here while the question is being asked), I LOVE finding out stuff over avenues like people's personal blogs, or web accounts like facebook/myspace! I mean seriously, do I even get on here to do anything other than to check up on the happenings of my friend's lives? Nope I really don't. Which is probably obvious since I don't ever blog. (Now here is the truth, if you blogged everyday, well shoot I'd be signing in just to check out what you had to say! But if I sign on and no one has written anything about their life, more than likely I'll sign off and that's the extent of my Internet use for the day. In other words, you ladies blogging about your lives *inspires* me to write about my own. With out your *inspiration*, I don't write anything. And apparently that's because I don't possess any *inspiration* of my own. Now did that *inspire* any of you to blog? :) Its almost like a nonchalant guilt trip, except I'm not that conniving, so it isn't.

I sure hope I haven't lost you so far.

Anyways that wasn't the direction I was planning on going when I got here. What I ACTUALLY wanted to write about was how I found out I was pregnant, (and how Josh found out too)....

It all started when I missed my 'you know what'. The thing is, Josh and I had wanted to start 'trying', but after 2 months we both decided that I should go back on birth control, (there is a good reason, but I don't wanna get into it now. Ask me later if you are interested). I took two days worth of the pill, and than expected to see my period. Well since taking BC at any random time during the month can throw your cycle off a few days I thought nothing of missing Mr. tom. I needed some blood flow regulators (i.e. tamps - sorry to any guy that is reading this, I'm trying to be as modest as possible) and since the pregnancy tests are on the same aisle...I picked one up. Those being the only two items I was purchasing, I commented to the cashier that the blood flow regulators were back up, in case the test came out negative (I don't know why, but I just felt like I had to give an explanation for buying only those two things). Anyways I went home, took the test and WHOA! Instantly my eyes began to fill with tears. I just kept staring at it going 'no way! no way!' I was crying like a little kid who just couldn't get enough air in to counteract his hyperventilating, and walking quickly through the house, back and forth saying 'no way! no way!' I was so glad Josh wasn't there, cause there is no way he would've understood my reaction. I didn't even understand my reaction! I don't know why I was crying, it wasn't like overwhelming tears of joy. I think it was more like my body going through shock or somethin. I mean what do you think when you find out your pregnant, and even though you were planning on it, it still totally takes you by surprise? Yea I pretty much just didn't know how to react. By the time Josh came home from youth group, I had cleaned up the whole apt, put a clean white table cloth on the table, wrapped up the test in a Christmas tin, and turned on the Christmas lights that were still up. I also set up the camcorder so that I could catch his reaction on film. I haven't watched it to see how well it caught everything, but man o man I hope it got his smile! On the top of the Christmas tin I put one of those 'To: From:' stickers and wrote 'To: my love for life From:your wife - Merry Christmas'. Needless to say he was pretty confused. He was like 'why am I opening a Christmas present in April?' I told him I had gotten it for him when I was at the store and was *so excited* about it that I couldn't wait for Christmas to give it to him. His reaction was nicer than mine. He didn't cry and pace around like a crazy person. He laughed and smiled with abundant joy, it was like our wedding day all over. He also kept saying 'wow! wow!', which I think was also much better than my disbelieving 'no way! no way!' Everyday he tells me how excited he is to be a daddy and I can't express enough how grateful I am for such a man :D

I know I wrote a lot, (again), but I just really really wanted to get down this incredible experience. I'm sure I want forget it, but there is something so fun about coming back, at some point in the future, and reading things like this. It's like how the Israelites set up rock monuments to 'never forget' what God had done for them in different circumstances of their lives. I guess that really is what this blog is for me. It is a a mound of rocks, a monument that I can return to and read, and remember the goodness of the LORD. I hope it brings some smiles to your faces too :)

And with that all said, I sign off to go on to do something probably not nearly as fun as blogging, but needs to be done nonetheless.

Toodles!

What an interesting week this has been.

All week long I have been fighting with deep feelings of discontentment with my jobs.

Awhile back a man at church was talking to Josh and I and mentioned that he would soon be looking for a secretary. Josh instantly said something along the lines of, "Audra you should do it!" And I replied to him, "Why? I like my jobs why would I quit?" Needless to say, Josh was kind'a confused why I wouldn't want the job he thought sounded so exciting.

Time passed, and a couple Sunday's ago our buddy Joe was walking by and said, "Hey Aaron is looking for you two and wants to know if Audra is still interested in that secretary position?" Again Josh became extremely excited and looked at me with a big smile. I looked back at him with a largely sarcastic grin. And again I thought to myself, I never wanted that job in the first place. why would I want that job? I like my jobs and so if I like them, why would I even consider something else? Josh and I have the same schedule, I only work a few hours a day, all is super great with how it is right now!

Last Sunday (so 5 days ago) Josh and I got into the car after church, and before we were home he told me that we needed to talk about something that I didn't want to talk about. Immediately I thought, he is going to ask me to quit working, again (he has been asking me to quit for a little while now. But we talked and he said that it made sense that I work while we didn't have children for me to tend to. So I thought that was all figured out). I knew it couldn't be him telling me he was ready for children, so he wanted me to consider offing my birth control, ('cause that was another topic of previous discussion). So I waited patiently 'till we were home. Then over a big, (and I mean cookie sheet big), thing of nachos Josh shared his heart with me.

He said he felt very confidently that God wanted me to quit working as a barista and work as a secretary for Aaron's company. I was kind've surprised, it wasn't what I was expecting, and again my instant reaction was "well I don't want to". But at the same time I knew that if this truly was God (and I have no reason to believe my husband would use God as a way of manipulating me into doing something) telling Josh this, that God would tell me the same thing. I told him I would pray and see if God confirmed the same thing to me, though I still just couldn't imagine quitting. And Guess what God did? He confirmed it. I looked for His answer in so many places, and it wasn't until praying with Barb at our church that God showed me the answer would only come through my submitting to my husband. Until this very moment, as I write this, I didn't think he had confirmed anything in me. I now realize that He has answered my requests of Him to give me the same confidence as Josh, through my discontent heart at work. I mean this week has been excruciatingly difficult to get through. I have been late to work everyday, to both jobs. I have been frustrated with little things, upset with customer's attitudes, and even judging and thinking I don't want to help them because they are like ____ fill in the blank. Whatever I could come up with, for a reason to not want to serve them, I did.

So today I broke the news to the bosses. They took it really well, and even though I turned about twenty shades red I am glad I told them. I'm praying for Louise, one of the bosses. She is pretty much all by herself at her shop. I mean, I am the only other employee, and she needs at least one person to do what she has me do. I had the opportunity to pray with her the other day (off topic, but an awesome one and the next one I am going to!)

She is overwhelmed with her husband's health problems and work issues and money and and and....the list probably goes on. I knew I should pray with her, but boy I was nervous! God gave the wide open opportunity though, and I think today we saw it answered. I'm trying not to get too ahead of myself just yet, since she hasn't made the necessary phone calls to see whether or not this is the answer to prayer. But if it is, wow God moved fast! I hope it is the answer! Before we prayed I told her that I have seen God answer prayers really quickly when I pray with someone (not to mean that I have anything to do with the reason their prayer is answered. But I think God has been wanting to show He hears our prayers. and what better way to confirm that He does, other than that there is a witness to testify that that is true?) Her response was "yea sometimes"...with a very heavy heart and doubt in her voice. It saddened me. I know that its true that God doesn't answer every prayer right away, but this poor woman's heart is so heavy she finds it hard to believe He still hears her at all. I do hope that today her prayer was answered! What a testimony it would be huh?!

O my I tried to not write so much. I just couldn't help myself. I think I like to describe things in too much detail. If I wanted to go back and proof read the last story I told you, o the details I would try squeezing in there! But I won't! I will just send this out, after spell check does its job, and let it fly :) Or something like that.

Much love and many blessings! Don't give up praying to the LORD for all that is on your heart! He hears every prayer of one of His children, and He LOVES to astound us with His answers. Quick or not, He always answers them.

A randomn, far from useful post :)

Just a few pictures to share with ya'll, (how do you like the fake southern accent I just threw in there?):
A sweet Valentine gave me this beautiful candle, (if you look closely you will see that it is in our wedding colors). Its wax on the outside, hollow in the middle, and has a oil wick, or whatever its called. So it will burn/last forever! I love it :)

This one shows what happens when a bottle of Arbor Mist is forgotten in the freezer untill the next morning, (I'm not even going to show you what the freezer looks like because of it). Learn from our mistakes guys. Who knew that Asparagus would keep growing after you bought it? Even though it seemed kinda alien to me we still ate it, and it tasted good :) *mmm*
And here is one of me and my husband showing affection. Of course, due to our awesome lameness, this is just about the only picture we have of ourselves from Valentines day. Hey at least we got one, right!?

I love him so much :)

O boy I do believe the "lameness" has caught hold of me again...

Let me explain what I'm saying. The reason why my blog is titled "Probably mostly Audra blogging...if she ever even does it" is because I am pretty lame about keeping my blog up. Of course, what do I have to talk about? I should just make up action packed stories with drama and morals that suck you in for at least 5 minutes. In fact, I'm going to go ahead and give that a try.

"Once upon a time there was a stunning young lady who lived way up high on the 3rd floor. She had hair that flowed like a gentle river, and eyes deep with thought and wonder. Her mind was continuously filled with day dreams of knights saving damsels in distress, while she worked at the neighborhood burger joint. She always wondered, "why do I dream these things, wishing that they were my life, when there is no way it could ever be?" Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, on and on...it was always the same day after day, a dull and colorless life. Flipping burgers, toasting buns, "o drats! Too much ketchup on that one! Isn't there something more to life than this?" she thought to herself

Her boss was a surly man. His heart was dark and full of bitterness. Years upon years he had neglected to care for himself, and his every word was like a sword piercing her young heart. You see, she could never explain to you why, for she could not understand it herself, but her heart cared for this man. Even though his anger and sharp tongue seemed to only cause wounds in others, she thought...no she knew, that he only needed someone to love him. Perhaps than, he wouldn't feel so constantly miserable inside, and hate everyone else because of his dissatisfied and empty heart.

On a bright and clear afternoon, just before beginning her shift, our young friend decided to put before herself a goal. With set determination she silently vowed to do all with in her power to show her boss that somebody cared for him. She did not know how she would go about fulfilling this vow, nor could she, at the time, fathom how terribly difficult completing such a task would be, but her young heart was undaunted. Her brilliant mind began to think up hundreds of beautiful ways to reach into her boss' heart and find the soft spot she was convinced was in there. "After all, no body has an entirely black heart. Right?" she said to herself.

She wrote him anonymous cards with pictures of peaceful streams on the front. When he yelled, rather demanded, for someone to do something written under his job description, our fair friend was first to respond. She covered for him when he slacked off to indulge in the sin of his selfishness. She arrived at work extra early to help him set up the work stations, for she knew that his evenings of heavy drinking often caused him to be 'too sick' to have them ready in time. She lied for him. She cleaned up the messes he made. She stayed late into the night, so that he could leave early. Soon enough her usual daydreams of knights in shining armour were replaced with constant thoughts of, "what else can I do to get through to him?" Within only a handful of weeks, her heart began on a discouraged path. She struggled with her inability to accomplish her goal. The more she did, the worse he seemed to become. He never thanked her for her sacrifices. When she could have been at home eating dinner with her parents, but instead choose to close up for him, he waved it off as 'no big deal' and spent the night running around town, sowing corruption to his flesh. She watched in astonishment as his heart only sank deeper and deeper into self righteousness and strife.

"Why is Nothing that I do enough!", she screamed in her head. "Why does it seem that my helping him just makes him more angry inside?! What is wrong with him that he doesn't recognize my sacrifice and all the turmoil I am putting myself through to make his life better?!"

Two months past by and nothing changed in her boss' heart. He grew more surly, outrageous, and contemptuous. Of course no one really noticed that about him, because to them he had always been that way. They did, however, begin to notice the drastic change with in our friend's heart. Her eyes no longer showed wonder, nor did her mind ever venture to daydream. Her tongue became quick to throw out coarse and bitter words. They also noticed how unfair her appearance became. Once she had radiated young beauty, with a smile that dazzled them all. Now her face was sullen with grieve at the constant disappointment she felt in unattaining her goal. She no longer smiled, not even the slightest curvature would elevate her lips. She only frowned, from the depths of her heart, she frowned.

You see, what our friend never realized in the beginning, before venturing to love someone so unlovely as her boss, was that she herself had no love to give. She was like so many others we know, maybe even ourselves. Her life was empty, but ok. Her heart was searching for a purpose, but when she thought she found it in helping someone else, she was swiftly let down when they did not respond like she expected. She never saw that she herself was broken inside, and needed to be fixed before she could reach out and even begin to help someone with much more baggage than she carried. She was a dried up well, with no water to give to those who were thirsty.

She once day dreamed of knights saving maidens, wishing she could be one of them. She never recognized the reason she daydreamed these things was, in actuality, because she was one of them. Our friend couldn't see it, blinded were her eyes to her own need, but she also needed to know someone loved her."

Moral of the story: We are all broken people and we can not 'help to fix' any other broken person before we first come to realize our own brokenness and need for a repair man.

Too often we try to 'fix' others to make up for our own feelings of inadequacy. We can't fix ourselves by fixing others, that is like saying a person with two broken hands can set their friend's broken leg. Its impossible and exhausting for the one who tries to do this. Only when we come to recognize how completely broken we are, can we look up and find the repair man, Jesus, standing in front of us. With His tools in hand: Salvation, Love, Strength, Perseverance, Discipline, Trials, Prayer, Patience, Grace, Study, and so many more, He uses all our time on this earth to take us from our beginning state of a hopeless mess, to re-build us into a whole new tool. One that is like a tool box. He fills us with His tools, (ie.; Salvation, Love, etc.), and than carries us around, fixing others while using us. A tool box can't go out and fix the leaky faucet, its just a tool box. But the repair man can reach inside the tool box, find the right tool for the job, and fix what is broken.

I know that all I want to be is a tool box. Someone who doesn't have any of the answers from with in myself, but who carries around the words of hope and prays for other's salvation.

I don't exactly know why, but my blogs tend to end on a serious note, (even though when I began this I really was planning on just making up a dumb story). O well, maybe this needed to be written. Let me know what you think. Does this all make sense? I have someone in mind as I write this. I hope so badly that she could recognize that fixing other's won't do a thing to fix the emptyness she lives with in her heart.

Epilogue:

Our young friend wasn't left in despair forever. The repair man found her broken heart, and she let Him in to fix it.

Babies are EVERYWHERE...and so is all their stuff

Yesterday, my co-worker informed me that two of our customers are newly impregnated, and than said, "ya know what this means Audra, you're next". As if I'm putting something in these ladies coffees, and than sneaking it into my own coffee, so that is causes this epidemic, haha!

It is funny though how many people are popping out, or are close to popping out, little additions. And the other equally interesting detail is how very many of those are girls! Which, I would totally not mind catching THAT train. I mean I do want a little boy, several actually, but it seems like the odds are against Josh and I for a female child. We both have brothers for siblings, and there isn't a sister among us. So whatever you ladies are drinking, or whatever it is you are doing to produce the XX chromosome to dominate the XY...I want in on it!

And here is something worth pondering, have you heard it said that whenever there was a war to come there seemed to be a lot more boys born in the 15-20 years before the war, than there were girls? My mother-in-law pointed this out to me. I guess there has been, (this is 'hear-say', remember), studies to prove/show this. If you go back and look at birth records those 15-20 years before a war begins, they have seen that a significant number of boys were being born over girls. Interesting huh? I pretty much think about that all the time, especially these days when the abundance of children being born seem to be girls, or at least in the majority of women around me, (I'll come back to explain why I say this, in a moment). It is so incredibly Awesome to, in a slight way, be able to recognize His provision for the human race and see how God knows what lays ahead of us. Since He knows when serious wars will take place and many young men will die, He provides enough men to fight during the war, and than there are those who survive, or just didn't fight, who are available to get married and keep the whole 're-populating' the earth thing going. Seriously, I think about this probably a couple times, every day. It fascinates me! For me it is clear confirmation that my faith is in the True and Living God, because it shows How intimately involved with us He is. I mean He already knits us together in our mother's womb, (amazing!), but that He works it out so that there will be a lot of boys to a few girls being born....He is incredibly Awesome! I don't know anyone who is more organized and plans ahead better than Him :), (probably one of the biggest understatements of the year).

So I said I would come back to explain why the abundance of little girls around me has caused me to think about this a lot more. A few years ago I remember when tons and tons of little boys were being born. I mean, I grew up in part of that time period. *Proof I did - I have three brothers and Josh is one of three sons in his family, pretty good proof aye? But I remember being young and recognizing that an awful lot of little boys were being born, and only one or two girls. So here, let me get to the point...

I know why God caused all the boys to be born, (scary to say, but there is obviously going to be a big war in our lifetime - unless God was planning for the Iraq war, there will probably be more, and worse, and bigger ones. O I get chills saying that), but why is He bringing so many girls into the world? I wonder if we are in for a war bigger than we have ever seen before, that is going to effect both sexes in ways we have yet to experience. Like bombs on entire populations or more women in battle. Or maybe it is because God just really wants to make sure all the boys who live through the war have a good variety to choose from, who knows what God's plans are. In any case, kind'a neat to think about huh?

Amongst the pondering, this much I understand and know is true; He is on the move. Earthquakes, tsunami's, volcanoes acting up, um what else are we looking for? Signs in the "sun and moon and stars..." Luke 21:25. How much longer will He wait? I know He is patient, and wants as many as will come to Him, to come to him, but how much more will we see before He takes us home? Its a mystery. I used to be afraid of that day, being young in my mind and more immature in my relationship with Him, but now I find myself excited to finally be home with Him! O what Joy it is to sit in His presence while I'm still in this sin drenched body; I can not fathom being clothed in His glory, sitting before His majesty, worshipping in His physical presence, forever satisfied in His love, with nothing more in the flesh to distract me and pull me away from my beloved Father. *sigh* O man now that REALLY gives me chills! But the good kind :D

I LOVE YOU SO MUCH GOD!!!

Today, all day long, my flesh has been stinking up my walk like hard core. O gosh this darn thing, (the flesh), gets me angry! I want to just be perfect, and not sin anymore, and never disappoint my Father by giving into temptations....man. Actually I take the beginning of that first sentence back, the flesh is ALWAYS stinking up my walk, but today God helped me to see when and where :) He is so good like that. I Praise Him for His unending Grace- 'cause seeing the nastiness of my heart today...man I just don't ever get it, I continually choose sin when I know I really don't want it- but His grace, O His grace, is so sweet and precious to me!

I really really really like this blogging thing. I said it here before I think, well at least in person to one friend, but its kind'a like what a prayer journal does for me. The Spirit uses it to help me realize truth. Not that what I am saying is so incredibly profound stuff that I'm learning and feel the need to bring here to you, but it causes me to gather my thoughts, reflect, and focus on what the Lord is teaching me. And its free healthy entertainment, what a sweet deal!

Ok well friends I think I just unloaded a good junk of my mind to you, so I will let you alone now. Besides you have enough of your own thoughts in your head, do you really want mine in there too?

I love you all! I really truly do :)

God bless you.

Woo-Hoo its another Monday!

I have nothing to say today, except that it is really cold in my apt and I 'stink' at making myself take naps.

But since I'm here now I might as well come up with something to talk about :)

My brother Scott just moved down from AK. He doesn't yet know what he will do for work or where he will live, so if you could pray for him that would be incredible! He is on Josh's "Hit List" for Heart for Ministry and since he put Scott on there we have been praying for my brother non-stop. It is awesome to see him healthy, but his lifestyle has been rough on him. He has scars from being beat up, eyes that are tired, and nerve damage all throughout his body from a fight he got into...its crazy to see someone changed so much in such little time. I thank God for bringing him down here! A friend of our's told us yesterday that he has been praying that God will bring godly people into Scott's life....perhaps that is why he is here? Scott said he wants to go to church with us and Josh mentioned something to him about helping out with construction work at the church-I know of quite a few godly people over there...I'm pretty excited about the possibility of Scott helping out :) I've been praying for my family members since I was sixteen, my heart so yearns for them to yearn for the LORD! I wish I could just take God and put Him in their hearts so that they would treasure and cherish Him and never want to let Him go. I know I should not get discouraged about praying for them, and right now I'm not, though sometimes for a season I give up praying for them or just plain forget to pray. I just don't know why God takes His time changing some hearts and others get touches immediately. I'm not complaining about God, its just one of those mysteries about Him that I won't ever understand. Why some prayers are answered immediately and others are prayed for years before they are answered. All in all I know God hears my prayers for my family members, and I know He cherishes them. What is that vs. that says that His incense is the prayers of the saints? Or something like that, at least.

Its funny because I wasn't planning on coming here and talking about Scott, or my family, or prayer, or lack there of...but now that I am, I feel compelled to leave and pray for them all. This is why I am enjoying blogging so much. I know that there will probably be very few people who ever read these, but for me, (like I was mentioning to you yesterday, Barbi), it is a chance to get thoughts out. And since I have to write in clear and concise sentences, it causes my heart and mind to work out the things going on in them. Its a neat little thing, this world of blogging!

Well seeing how I feel compelled to pray, I suppose I should not ignore that which has been brought out of heart and to my mind's attention.

Much love and many blessings to you, whoever you are, that is reading this :)